November 9th, 2008

Exclusive: Fatherhood Discovered!

Posted by natdavauer in Baby

The most amazing thing happened to me recently. I was going about my business of life as I knew it like most of the others around me and then it happened. I kinda saw it coming a ways off but it still hit me like a lightning bolt out of the blue. Indeed, like Ben Franklin himself I think I’ve discovered something about the world that’s going to be huge.

I’m sure there will be some out there that insist I didn’t invent this phenomenon, that they had heard of and possibly experienced this already. It’s hard to believe though because it feels so profound to me, I think this must be a unique occurrence. I want the masses to be able to enjoy my discovery so in the interest of the world at large, I will reveal the secret on this widely viewed public forum.

Becoming a dad is absolutely most amazing thing that has ever happened.  There have been other landmarks of course involving moons and walking on them and most recently a particular man becoming president but this, believe it or not, is more amazing. I called the papers and for some reason they didn’t want to run the headline: Man discovers fatherhood. I suppose they think people might not be impressed.

That’s just it though… becoming a father is personal. There are millions and millions of kids but I am this one’s dad. From my perspective this is the only kid on Earth and thankfully I get to be her daddy.  It’s like my own personal expedition to the Moon and I get to be Neil. Each moment is a revelation. She slept! She burped! She stuck out her tongue because I stuck out my tongue! Eureka!

I suppose as time goes on it will seem normal to have a kid. Things won’t make headlines nor will I want them too. Exclusive: Teenage girl talks on iphone for 6 hours and doesn’t do her homework. But here at the beginning, I feel like Galileo must have felt. Ah ha! So this is what it’s all about. A man’s life revolves around his daughter not his job, his stock portfolio or his car.

Work is easier because I know why I need some money. Success isn’t important because it could never compare. Things… well they’re just things and they always will be, but this… this is Evelyn. That’s why I do what I do now. That’s why I live. That my friends is the secret to life. I share it with you all for two reasons: One, I want you to make this discovery and two, I want Evie to have some friends.

Scientific Proof of Ground-breaking Discovery